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Archive for April, 2010

This is a small packet of surgical lubricant:

And this is a small packet of mayonnaise:

When you are hungry,  and it’s the middle of the night and you’re really sleepy please take the time to see what exactly it is that you’re mixing up for your sandwich.

My tuna cried.

It really did.

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And on a legal board somewhere…

…the term “douche nozzle” was used.

I love that term.   I intend to use it frequently.

It’s the male equivalent of “douche bag”.    Nozzle.   Bag.   I love it!

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Burning sage.

Comforts me.

I miss you.

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I am determined

That this week’s lottery tickets will not be faulty and that eventually I will be living on a beautiful island in the South Pacific with nothing to do but continue with my book,  drink tequila and enjoy paradise.

Otherwise I shall take a huge tantrum and demand a refund from 7-11 for selling me broken tickets.

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Um.

I’d like it to be known that I do not actually have any experience with camel penii.    Penises.    Whatever the heck it is you want to call ’em

(re:  https://prodoggie.wordpress.com/2010/04/14/conversations-with-joe-7/)

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(After a VERY emotional conversation about grief and Lots Of Other Stuff,  and after I had to run to the Lil Girl’s Room…which is right next to our kitchen where J was taking a smoke break)

Me:       I can’t pee and cry at the same time,  godammit!

Joe:    ……why?

Me:     ………uh….I don’t really know.         Anyway,    I look like crap.

Joe:     Honey,    you’re the best looking turd I’ve ever seen

Me:    …..thanks.      I think….?!

(Edited to add,  from Joe:    As far as poop goes?   You’re the shit!)

And they say romance is dead.

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ATCHOO!

I have just sneezed 38 – I KID YOU NOT, that’s THIRTY EIGHT – times in a row.

And evidently I’m not done yet.

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